Looking for Stability.

Saturday, Post-Thanksgiving

Made Bell Peppers Stuffed With Rice, page 293.
 
A few variations were presented.... I went with the slightly curried rice mixture / grated cheddar / vegetable broth (I use Better Than Bullion).
Major steps of this recipe: (1) get the pepper shells ready  (2) get the rice mixture ready  (3) au gratin for the top!

Things learned:

• you have to steam peppers a bit before using in a stuffed peppers recipe
• "'Au Gratin' is a term that in America, is usually associated with cheese. But the term may refer to any light but thorough topping of fine fresh or dry bread crumbs or even crushed cornflakes, cracker crumbs, or finely ground nuts on scalloped dishes or casseroles. . . ." (p 961)
• missed the instruction to oil the baking dish ... didn't make a difference at all. (mine is ceramic)

Things I'm proud of:

• making a steamer out of tin foil, with a toothpick.  [note: purchase a steamer basket next time in a store]
• making an improvised curry powder of my own, without the typical spices I'd count on like turmeric and dry mustard
• deciding to make my "au gratin"-topping crushed walnuts — it's what I had on hand (like the tin foil steamer) and I took license from the Au Gratin definition, although not in the recipe specifically for Bell Peppers Stuffed With Rice, because it seemed like it would taste good....and it did.

What I'd do differently:

• definitely make more rice [peppers these days are gargantuan. ...they take more than the prescribed rice mixture]
• maybe put a tiny bit of teeny butter bits in the walnut au gratin topping?  might help it brown and turn amazing-delicious
• or stick with the bread crumb Au Gratin I or II, page 961 — and maybe add pine nuts to the rice mixture for a little protein

Verdict:

• delicious
• cute  [it's a meal tucked in a pepper.]
• old-fashioned/real feeling
• not especially pretty
• but classic — and impressive in that way
• very worthwhile

Future:

• Interested in trying the variations with cream / tomato sauce -- Parmesan / monterey jack -- basil / oregano ....
• imagining that the tomato sauce / basil & oregano might bring back the stuffed peppers my mom used to make when I was in elementary-high school... I think those used meat sauce.... but suspect this would bring the taste memory back. 

Goldberg Variations

How did I do with my list?  I got a lot of my list of cleaning and jobs done — but not all.
Enough to feel fine hosting Beth here.
Beth visited. ...and has now returned home.  A good weekend.

Best thing about the past week and this blog was T & Kellie advising me to freeze the lentil soup.
I did!  In ziploc quart bags.  It made my freezer look very frugal and utilitarian.

I have one bag's worth on the stove right now.
[note: in the future, freeze in smaller bags or smaller portions.... a quart bag of frozen-slab-of-soup is difficult to maneuver in a soup pot.  It worked out alright though.]

After Beth left,* in the anticlimax of the weekend, I steeled myself against the creeping ennui.
Effective strategies:

• lie down on the sofa with the nap blanket, reading the newspaper on my phone, like someone on bedrest. but only for 35 min.
• get up and make the bed
• listen to The (Glenn Gould) Goldberg Variations ...and then the Mamas and the Papas
• do a load of laundry
• decide on dinner
• not spending money will feel better than spending money
• conveniently the freezer is full of soup!
• what else though..... 
• there are potatoes in the cupboard.
• baked potato?  .... too spartan for tonight.
• consult the Joy!

Tonight's dinner: 
Lentil-Split-Pea-Soup
and
Oven "French-Fried" Potatoes, page 300.

Hardly more effort than baked potatoes, with just a little bit of olive oil, and -pow- you've got a special treat, to go alongside your soup.  Who needs McCains and OreIda?!






Other things to keep the day afloat:

• draw something, even something small
• watch Master of None

*[removed from this telling is the missing of the scheduled train — because of a subway trip that took 45 min. instead of the reliable 15 min.?...or because I hadn't allowed the possibility of that kind of delay, and so hadn't set aside an hour for the trip? — sold out Northeast Corridor trains...and an eventual ticket for 66% more than the original...and hanging out in Penn Station for a few hours with B., who graciously took all of this in stride and is still my friend.]

Momentum

Making Lentil Soup, page 134 for dinner.
Keeping it going!

Well, more like a cross between Lentil Soup and the Split Pea Soup further down the page, since the store only had "heritage" lentils — which were $6 for a few cups...which felt a bit too "Jack and the magic beans"...or Emperor's New Clothes...or some other story in that vein....   The split peas were 1/3 of the price.  So it's the lentil soup, with split peas...and without bacon or pancetta.

I wish I'd seen the recipe adaptation "Lentil Soup with Greens," which is merely putting a bunch of spinach or kale in the pot. ....In retrospect, that seems obvious .

I also wish I'd noticed that the recipe makes 10 cups of soup. ...In retrospect, I could have made a half batch.   That's a lot of Lentil Split Pea Soup.

Curious about how my cleaning went?
....I did some laundry and dug out the Joy of Cooking from one of the book boxes.  I moved furniture to see if I could improve things — (verdict is still out...but the change and related cognitive jog is probably a little good for warding off Alzheimer's).    I also made a great list of all the things to do before Beth arrives on Friday.  It's a really good list.  I felt accomplished enough.  Way to go Joy of Cooking!
While the soup is simmering, I'll be washing a set of sheets (washing sheets wears me out — so I have a backlog of about four sets), and cleaning my coffee pot with Bon Ami, and changing the vacuum cleaner bag (so that I use it tomorrow night).  Working through the list!

At the rate this metric ton of soup is cooking, I might get through lots more list-items than that before sitting down to dinner.

Joy + Vitality

What returned me to this space today, years later, of all days?

This morning, I half-woke, and then re-dozed, to Andrew Solomon talking about depression on my radio....
Just as I was thinking: "maybe just sleeping all day is fine...maybe it's not terrible not to leave the apartment for a full weekend...it's not too late to go back to sleep for a while...what else is there anyway...,"  he was saying that rather than the opposite of happiness, he came to understand depression as the opposite of vitality.  And I thought, "yes. exactly. I think that's close to being right..." as I closed my eyes again, to take another hour or two from the day.
[It's not as miserable as all that can sound...I mean, I was also really appreciating the perfection of my fluffer-comforter and sheets — clean-feeling and perfectly weighted...just the right warmth, highlighted by chilly spots when I would shift my feet around...cat tucked into my knees, low purr...]

When I got up, I was still thinking about that vitality bit though.
It seems close to the aimlessness and lack of ambition that's been shuffling me through dawn to dusk...


So I made coffee and wondered what I could do to encourage "vitality"...to work against the creeping ennui.
Biscuits could be a fine start.  A baby step.  A stopgap.
I've been making Quick Drop Biscuits a lot, for late breakfast on weekends over the past few weeks.
It started as a resourceful reach when I had no bread and few ingredients....
It continued because they're amazing.

So I made biscuits and more coffee.

I thought about how the warm smell makes things feel better — more directed, resurrected. ...and about how the outside of the biscuit is just barely crunchy and salty...and the inside fluffy and buttery...like edible magic.
Like a feeling as good as my bed, but sitting up, in proper clothing.

Then I thought about this old blog... I thought about how it felt oddly productive and fun...how my memory of that time (tinted with a deceptive nostalgia filter) is that things felt promising and young and full of potential and wholesome and good.
(Although in reality, I think my tendency to give in to sleep — the dark hedonistic erasure of time — was just as strong then...)
And then I missed that time, this blog together — and I felt vitality crawl further away...
And then I thought, with fresh resolve, fueled by perfect biscuits: well, that's within the realm of possibility once more! No reason it's gone!

See Quick Drop Biscuits, page 639.

In related news:
Now I'm going to clean my apartment!
[And maybe unpack some boxes of books — including The Joy of Cooking!  (oh, I neglected to mention that in my life-paralysis, I've stopped unpacking boxes when I move to new apartments. ...and I call apartments "new" even 5 months after moving.  So I've been looking up Joy recipes online, which sometimes takes 30 minutes, even though I have a real, full copy within twenty feet of my kitchen.)]

I am!  Because: Vitality! I will have you!

Stay tuned.

Maybe you think we just stopped eating.... Not true.

This morning I made Savory or Sweet Crêpes, page 649.

[Preferring salt over sugar, I made Savory. It's just the taste of the crêpe I want savory though; I like a bit of jam on them.]

I made a half-batch, and used one egg instead of two (because eggs are kind of gross--and the thought of two was too much). Perfectly fine.

The Joy speaks the truth: "Savory crêpes make an elegant brunch, lunch, or supper."

easy. terrific.

Hello New Year!

If I can convince you to make one thing for eating, as you greet 2010, let it be Tomato and Goat Cheese Quiche, page 109.

Last week, on one of those nights where you wake up at 7:30pm, having fallen asleep to the sweet sounds of npr-in-the-evening, I impulsively decided that it was not another night for 2 (by 2 I mean 3) glasses of wine and cold cheese and crackers, with a side of sad and lonely, and the company of tv-on-the-computer; and that, being a grown-up, I would make a proper meal.
I have the cookbook, after all, right? shit ya!

Impulsive dinner-preparation starting at 8pm can go in two very different directions.

It can be a disaster, and leave you feeling lonelier that you began.
But it can save the night.


Tomato and Goat Cheese Quiche totally saved the night.
Yay to being grown-up enough that I had eggs and milk and goat cheese and plum tomatoes and a bit of flour and butter in my fridge (even if not grown up enough to stay up after work until a normal bedtime).

Here's the weird thing -- as you may have garnered from past posts, I'm not an egg-fan! I can hardly stand to think about them. but every now and then an egg-based meal seems do-able.

This recipe serves 6. Confession: I ate 3 people's quiche that night. I'm not even embarrassed because it felt so good and tasty and wholesome.
I had thought, going into it that I'd have dinner and lunches for the week. ...try 2 days.
In fact this was so good, I couldn't get it out of my head, and talked about it with a lot of people, and kept thinking about the next time I'd be able to eat and/or make more T-G-C-Quiche.

This quiche, and the obsession it triggered in me, was so basic and satisfying, that I'm left to think my love/need for it has to do with a protein-trigger/vegetarian deficit thing I've got going on without knowing it. (I guess I've lapsed with the beans and nuts?...and been too reliant on the milk-fat and bread?) and for that, I say, amen--blessed be. ...as long as this eggy fat dish doesn't make me think about eggs and has me driven to have more, I'm going to ride it -- I'd rather guzzle a dozen eggs than eat fake-soy-meat. Seriously, soy protein in it's myriad forms might be the most fucking disgusting item available to consumers. like it should be right next to the jar of pig knuckles.
So I'll do a little egg-time -- as long as it tastes good.

OK.
I've now made this 3 times.
the first as above.
the second yesterday in baby-quiche form for a new year's eve party.
and the third, this afternoon, in an ingenious using-leftover way!

notes:

The Joy says to use Pat-in-the-Pan Butter Dough (page 666) or Basic Pie or Pastry Dough (page 665). I decided to go for the basic pastry dough. Hating vegetable shortening, and obviously not going to use the lard of the basic dough, what I made was closer to the Deluxe Butter Pie or Pastry Dough [Pâte Brisée] (page 665)...but even that calls for some v.shortening, and I replaced that with butter.
All butter.
Because I'm rich.
no. actually because vegetable shortening is so gross an innovation I can't even think about it without vomiting. and while I'm sure I unwittingly consume it and love it regularly, I would never ever be able to buy it or cook with it. I don't care how fantastically flaky it makes crusts.

it was fine. good even. delicious.

The custard mix calls for more half-and-half than milk -- I reversed this. still an awful lot of half-and-half to throw into a dinner, if you ask me. ...and it was fine. didn't miss the 1/4 cup of fat amidst the fat....

Dried parsley works fine. use a heaping teaspoon. it's winter. why spend $2 on fresh parsley, of which you'll use 1/10 before it goes soupy in the crisper drawer?

Same for dried basil. I'd use fresh if I had it--basil would never go to goop in my fridger, whatever season--I could eat it plain...but the recent bunches of basil I've seen have screamed wet-rot and poor washing, if not e coli. not worth the money/food-rot-belly. the taste of fresh basil can wait for summer or whenever the shops have vibrant bunches.
Dried basil, a giant heaping tablespoon, filled the wintery-cold void.

Recipe calls for brushing crust with a yolk, and then using 3 full eggs in the custard. Because I have egg-issues (too many gross me OUT) & food-wasting issues (I don't use enough eggs to save whites--and they just seem too sacred/valuable to toss down the drain) & still have a compulsive recipe-following-need, I did some gut-equations, used a yolk to brush the crust, and used the yolk's white and two eggs for the custard. no impact noticed. voila. recession-Joy!

notes on the 3 Variations:

for the 1st run, straight-up T-G-C-Quiche, with my version of rich flaky pastry crust, I misread (didn't read) the instructions, and did not bake the crust first, before filling.
I, having a Prole-palette admittedly, didn't miss the pre-baking.

2nd run -- Quiche-Babies!! pain in the neck to press the "pat-in-the-pan" butter crust (page 666) into muffin tins. I'd do it better next time. not as much dough needed in each tin! I did pre-bake them though. in the end, they were a little dark--but came out of the pan beautifully (thank you fat-content!)...and served their purpose: pretty party food.

nostalgia-recollection: when my mom had her business, in the Bonfire of the Vanities heyday, fancy food trends were all about tiny incarnations of regular fancy food. I remember the plates of perfect baby quiche. I hated the idea of eating quiche (egg! vomit!) ... but I admired the perfection. ...I thought of those images about a million times last night. how did she do that--so perfectly--in addition to the 20 other things she'd make for a party? ...also, I made 24. I think she'd make 100 at a time.

3rd run -- New Year's Day -- remnants -- had half of the filling left over in a jar in the refrigerator from last night's babies. did up a proper butter pastry crust--pre-baked it (pre-baking definitely makes it pretty and shiny), sliced the remaining tomatoes, and filled it up! awesome. so freaking good. Let it be known: slicing half of the called for tom.s into 1/8s instead of 1/4s and spoking them in the dish, and using half of the prescribed filling totally worked--and didn't even look lesser-than. Super-Recession-Joy!

I have had one terrific slice. And will have another before midnight!

Happy 2010.

Comfort Food Done Right

Shared chat transcript from 12/31/09:

Terence: back...
me: yo
Terence: need to unload groceries
me: get anything good?
Terence: yeah, cocktail wienies
Terence: stuff for food tomorrow so we don't have to leave
me: pilsbury dough?
Terence:no i think i'll make simple biscuit dough

That's right.

See Biscuits and Scones, page 638.